January 2024
Jumping ahead to 2024 gives me a good chance to reflect.
It’s been seven years since I had encephalitis.
I still deal with overwhelming exhaustion. Some days I nap a lot… some days I nap less… I always have to be careful not to overdo it, or I’ll end up crashing for a few days.
I also still deal with a lot of the memory issues and brain fog, causing some challenges when chatting with people and trying to stay on top of things. I have to live with a to-do list all the time and pay close attention to my calendar.
But there are good things as well. Wonderful things.
First, I have continued to learn how to grow in my compassion for others in their struggles and weakness, knowing I have enough struggles and weaknesses of my own.
Don’t misunderstand me… I’m not always great at it. I’m just growing. That’s all.
Second, I have learned to appreciate others more as they step in to be a help in my limitations. I think especially of my wife, Juanita, and my boys, Liam and Ezra.
Third, I have continued to write and have grown to love writing so much. I feel like it is what I’m meant to do at this point in my life. That doesn’t mean I’m any good at it, but still, I love it… lol…
In 1924, a century ago, an Olympic runner by the name of Eric Liddel set the world record for the 400 meters. When talking about running, he said, “When I run, I feel the pleasure of God.” It’s as if he felt that when he ran, it was what God had made him for!
I feel the same way about writing, although I’ve set no records, nor do I need any medals. But when I write, that’s one of the few times my brain settles enough to think clearly, and I’m left with an overwhelming feeling that I’m doing what I’m meant to do at this point in my life!
That’s exciting for me!
Fourth, I have been able to recover enough to drive again, which has been a blessing indeed!
I have learned to be at peace with it all. It certainly has been a life change for me and for my family. I hope one day to get back up and running around like before, but in the meantime, I have learned to be at rest with it all.
I have also learned compassion through this experience. I have learned that often the struggle others go through can be much harder than we might realize. If you were to meet me in person, you might get the impression that I’m fine (other than a little odd looking and somewhat overly-bearded at times). What’s going on inside, however, is hard to see. Through this, I have learned to feel and show compassion to others on a level I had not quite understood before.
That’s a good thing.
I have learned patience. When your life doesn’t move along how you think it should, yet you still have to let it run its course… that’s when a certain level of patience mixed with contentment comes into play in your heart.
I have learned not to do what is expected, nor what I want, but what I can. This is a huge learning curve. I was used to going when and where I wanted to. If I wanted to go on a hike, I would train my body and go. If I wanted to study or research a topic, I would simply dive in and study. If I wanted to go somewhere or attend a conference, I would. I have learned that I have limits for the time being and must do what I can—not what I want.
I have learned a great deal as well in terms of my faith. I have learned that God is always up to something, even in the darker times of life. I can see how he is softening my heart, opening my eyes to see more in life and in this world, and adjusting my life and heart and perspective to be one of greater patience and kindness. For that, I cannot complain.
So, here I am, seven years later, and despite all that’s lost, and despite how difficult life is, I’m content, I’m at peace, I enjoy this new hobby of writing, and I like the person whom God, in his kindness, has shaped me to be.
Thank you all for reading my journey!
Shawn
